3 Survival Steps for Dealing with Past-Life Frenemies

Have you ever triggered a past-life landmine?

You’ll recognize it if you have.

frenemiesLast week I phoned an old associate to inquire if it was true he’d trademarked a term I often use in my writing, so that now it can only apply to a small business he runs with a few others. Apparently, my questions triggered something that caused him to fly into a rage, swear, and hang up on me!

Good thing I know about past lives and my karmic history with this particular man. Nothing I said could calm him, nor could he hear my explanations for the call. (I wanted to be sure I didn’t inadvertently associate my work with his business.) It was as if he were already engaged in an argument that began long ago, long before he picked up the telephone, and indeed it probably had. Centuries ago.

I shrugged it off with a chuckle. Typical of our interaction! I’d known this person for many years; we’d once produced a video together that won an award, despite the friction that kept cropping up between us. But we hadn’t chatted for at least three years. He runs two businesses now; perhaps he wasn’t accustomed to being questioned? No matter; I’d gotten the information I needed by the time he hung up.

So it came as a shock when someone sent me a recording of a class broadcast over the Internet later that same day, during which he’d stood up and publicly castigated me by name, using all sorts of personal invective and weaving it into, shall I say, misunderstandings (sounds nicer than lies) about the purpose of my call to him. Yikes. I only listened for a few moments, enough to get the gist. I was told that it went on for some time, however, and involved others.

I had thought I was done with the connection. But now I had to write to two groups of people who’d been sent this recording, sorting out the discrepancies. I defended myself from the public slander as tactfully as possible, and once again, got off the seesaw—Step 1 of my advice for handling past-life explosions in your present lifetime.

By now, if you’ve read my articles on ZazenLife The Psychic Anatomy Concept of Life and 12 Ways to Identify Past-Life Friends, Lovers, and Enemies, you’ve realized that some of the most beautiful relationships in your life were formed over the course of many lifetimes of bouncing back and forth with each other in a variety of associations.

frenemiesBut even the most wonderful interactions can suddenly explode in your face when the two of you step on a landmine of shared history.

Next thing you know, there’s an argument over nothing, an injury, a storming-out, or a complete impasse, where neither seems to be looking at the same picture and misunderstanding rules the day. Your friend has transformed into your enemy—and it’s heart-breaking.

Doesn’t need to be. Here are three steps to help you defuse the worst past-life landmines, which might be ringing in the psychic influence of just about anything: perhaps a previous life argument, theft, hijacking, rape, murder, disappearance, apathy, death, rudeness, hostility, cruelty, envy, starvation, deprivation, drowning, deception, lies, or simple disagreement. Maybe even a tiny, one-time event.

Or maybe you were both victims of such, but the memory is so traumatic and the energy so tainted/foul/negative, that when it surfaces in your lives, you’re both devastated by it and can’t seem to cope with present reality. Negative reactions bubble up, making no logical sense whatsoever in your present life. Nevertheless, you’re up to your necks in it. And you name it, you’ve probably been there and done that. So you fight, flee, or freeze.

The two of you? You wouldn’t be so close now, or working side by side, if you hadn’t shared some real doozies of past-life experience. It’s how we learn and grow. But having these tidbits of old energy-information erupting in your present lifetime is NOT how you expect your life to unfold! And not the stuff of happily ever after!

In my case, I already knew some details of shared past lives with this individual. That put me a step ahead: I knew what made him react as he did. But it is never essential to know the details or even the general scenario. All you need to do is recognize that you’re in a situation in which past-life, destructive energy of some kind is exploding wildly into the present, where no one is making any sense at all, and you can neither explain, nor quell, nor soothe the emotions. That’s when you must take the following steps:

Step 1: Get off the seesaw immediately.

Step 2: Change the channel.

Step 3: Turn the negative into a positive.

Ah, these steps and methods always sound so simple, don’t they? Let me break them down for you, using the interdimensional energy principles I’ve introduced in my previous articles. Not as simple as they look, but highly effective.

Step 1. Get Off the Seesaw

frenemyWhen the past-life energies fall into phase with your present circumstances, they begin to oscillate back and forth between the two of you, like two children on a teeter-totter or seesaw. Up and down, up and down go the sine waves of energy between you, and in so doing, they step up in intensity, as energy does in any transformer. As long as both poles are present, the + plus and the – minus, that particular bit of energy-information from your shared past-life experience will keep regenerating by flowing between you (the two poles), and by so doing, will increase in strength.

In other words, you’ve already re-created the past situation in your present lives somehow. We do this without conscious awareness, and if you’re an older soul, this might have been your intention, for the purpose of healing the dissonance between you. But it takes persistence and humility to perform the necessary tasks to help that healing come about.

As long as you both keep up your end of the back-and-forth oscillation, the intensity grows. This can work well if the shared past-life experience creates a constructive effect in the present life. If so, you might not even realize that’s what’s happening; you’ll just thank your lucky stars and produce better results than either of you could have accomplished alone. We call that a positive polarity relationship. (Which is how my frenemy and I created that award-winning video: we let the positive overrule the negative that time around.)

But if the past-life energy is destructive, as most such recurrences are in relationship to where you are in your present life mentally and spiritually, then woe unto you both! Life can get really ugly.

That is, until one of you has the inner fortitude to “get off the seesaw,” i.e., let it go, walk away, dismiss the grievance, stop yelling, regain calm, hang up the phone, etc., then the other one of you cannot carry on. There’s nothing left for them to oscillate with. End of cycle. The closed circuit has been broken. Your dysfunctional relationship cannot continue. Your co-dependence ends. You are both set free of it, even if one of you is unaware of how that has happened.

So my old business acquaintance actually chose a good solution to his anger: he cut the connection by hanging up. That’s one reason it didn’t bother me. But then he apparently made the mistake of not taking Step 2. He got off the seesaw he’d been on with me in some prior lifetime, but failed to change the channel of his thoughts. They mushroomed.

Step 2. Change the Channel

In order to truly “get off the see-saw” of energy exchange at the frequency of your past-life interaction, you’re going to have to redirect your consciousness to a higher level or frequency. How you do this will be up to you; you’ll have infinite choices. It helps if you make this a regular practice.

In Speed Your Evolution, I recommend keeping yourself involved in a “positive project” at all times, something of a creative, constructive, or humanitarian nature that always lifts your state of being, or causes you to feel that lovely sense of “lost time,” and generally keeps you percolating along at a high level. I devote a whole section of the book to raising your frequency or vibration, as there are countless ways to do this.

Let’s say, in the case of a big fight with your boss, bff, parent, or lover, where you redirect your thoughts only needs to be different, completely unrelated, and thoroughly engrossing to help you accomplish the total, immediate severance of your energy oscillation with the ugly situation. Anything can help, and it’s highly important that you do so as quickly as possible. Naturally, I recommend that your chosen distraction be of a positive or constructive nature, or you can quickly compound your miseries with more trouble. A lot of people make that mistake. Don’t, because if you do, you won’t be able to see clearly or receive insight about the situation that will help you with Step 3.

My husband recently stepped on one of those landmines and his solution was to go out in the kitchen and cook a fabulous, complicated, gourmet dish that required his full attention. (And created a delicious outcome for both of us.) The day my frenemy hung up the phone on me, I walked straight out into the garden and engrossed myself in its care, beautifying our world a bit and changing my channel of consciousness completely.

Sometimes when you are able to get off the seesaw, it’s not enough. Before you can change the channel of your thoughts and attention, you may have to deal with any lingering anger or other form of negative energy that remains a part of you. It’s yours, no doubt about that, and it can feel awful. You’ve released yourself from the negative exchange if you’ve managed to at least walk away (or hang up), so you are only dealing with your own now. But you don’t want it to remain in your mind or your body. If you do, you’re in danger of falling back onto that seesaw, whether you’re in physical proximity with each other or not; doesn’t matter. Energy travels and regenerates. How many times have you walked away from a situation physically, only to let it fester in your mind and blow all out of proportion?

How did you feel?

collective consciousnessSo if this is where you’re stuck, before you embark on your chosen alternative activity toward which you will direct your consciousness, it helps to do a little exercise I learned from Eden Energy Medicine, called “Expelling the Venom” or the “Blow Out, Zip Up.” It’s akin to shaking the mud off your boots before you enter your clean house of consciousness. No matter how silly or ineffective you think it looks, you will move the angry or destructive energies collected at a superficial layer in your personal energy systems, and sometimes that’s enough to move the deeper layers of consciousness as well. Plus, it feels really good to be rid of the yuckiness.

Here are two video demonstrations, a sweet one, and one for the truly furious.

Ah, that’s better. Peace. Now for the long-term positive project, where true, lasting, and deep healing of past-life karma can begin, whether your frenemy is part of it or not.

Step 3. Turn the Negative into a Positive

I cried my way through the film Saving Mr. Banks yesterday because it’s a story of healing through this third step. Walt Disney turned his abused childhood into Disneyland and every other delight that has rescued millions of children (including me). Meanwhile, P. L. Travers created Mary Poppins from her own childhood trauma. Together, they brought Mary Poppins to a larger audience, extending the healing effects of their personal overcoming to countless others. Moreover, the newly filmed story of their encounter is a beautiful accomplishment in and of itself, furthering the benefits to an even larger audience!

That’s not to say any of their efforts were easily or quickly accomplished.

You can see this process going on in countless works of art, music, performance, speech, science, discovery, education, architecture, farming, industry, and on and on and on, no limitations, energy being funneled into new, constructive channels by individuals turning around past-life destructive incidents, consciously or subconsciously.

You don’t know how far your efforts to turn a negative into a positive might reach. I’m not talking about taking flowers to your abuser, although I suppose that could be a positive move in the right situation. But in cases like my own troubled relationship with an alcoholic mother, I was unable to cure her addiction or lift her depression. Hitting my head against that wall throughout my childhood was highly ineffective; just as fighting through every argument led us both into misery. As an adult, I have found transformation and healing of our long history of conflict through my awareness of past lives, and my efforts to take the specifics of our relationship and channel them into a work of art (my novel Cosmic Dancer), something constructive I hoped would benefit others.

Meanwhile, my mother made her own efforts to sort out our prior conflicts or channel her problems into art. Personally, I don’t believe those efforts cease with the transition out of the body and into a higher state of being. All the more reason for us to try to achieve these resolutions and reformations of our past-life, destructive encounters as soon as and in whatever way we can. The choices are unlimited, and it helps to remember that every personal healing we accomplish produces a positive effect that reaches many people.

You don’t need to make films or write books or paint a masterpiece. Maybe you’ll garden or cook a gourmet meal or repair something. But any time you turn the details and energy of your past into something new and useful, you are healing and transcending your prior limitations. When you do that, others feel and receive the positive energies radiating from your success.

In fact, I’ve just done that with the situation that brought all these tools back to the forefront of my awareness. I have shaped the disastrous encounter with my old frenemy into this article, which I hope you’ll find useful in your own encounters with past-life friends, lovers, and enemies.

Lianne Downey is the author of two visionary novels, Cosmic Dancer and The Liberator, and her new psychic-development workbook, Speed Your Evolution: Become the Star Being You Are Meant to Be.

Visit her blog at


5 Responses to 3 Survival Steps for Dealing with Past-Life Frenemies

  1. Nabra says:

    Thank you.

  2. Christine says:

    Thank you for the article! Big coincidence! I was just thinking about how I need to distract myself from the dynamics of a difficult relationship and focus on something creative and constructive to give myself-and us- a break and maybe help both of us float in a more constructive direction, be that together or apart 🙂

    • That sounds like a terrific idea, Christine. Working on something creative always causes the consciousness to bounce back up to the top of the sea of energy in which we live, where the view is limitless and the light shines down upon you. From there, you become a light-beacon for others, and an inspiration to your partner! Best wishes to you! You’re on the right track!

  3. I’m glad to hear you found it helpful, Anonymous! We all step on those landmines, even with our best and closest. It helps to have a few tricks in your back pocket for getting out unscathed and back on track with each other — whether your tracks are side by side, or separated by a few miles or years! 😉

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for the article – I am using your advice to help me deal with an ugly situation now in my life with someone I thought was a truly caring student. (Some students just don’t practice what they preach (or promise)). Your ideas here have helped me to let go of the disappointment and anger related to this. It really hit the spot and is really appreciated!

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